Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn (1984)
The Plot: A young couple on a cross country trip get sidetracked by a town filled with a religious cult of children

  Children of the Corn is total unmitigated silliness and I love it! A religious cult where everyone shops for clothes at Amish-R-Us run by a child prophet and his red headed sadistic right hand man-child?. Yes, please! This movie starts silly and just doesn't let up. 

I'm here to churn butter...and creep you out!

  A young couple (These sort of movies always start off with a young couple), Linda Hamilton (Terminator) and Peter Horton (Thirtysomething) are the adults here even though some of their decision making will have you questioning that. This is pre-Terminator Linda Hamilton, which,... well duh! because post-Terminator Linda Hamilton would wipe the floor with these kids, especially Malachi. Peter Horton spends all of the movie running off to leave Linda Hamilton to fend for herself and then falling down while being chased by brain washed Amish kids and generally looking a little too much like Parker Stevenson. I expected Shaun Cassidy to show up and help solve this mystery. Come to think of it, a Hardy Boys meet the Children of the Corn movie would be vastly superior to this one.
If you can't get Parker Stevenson for your movie, you get Peter Horton





  So after running around with the Amish kids for a while, we finally figure out that the adults are being sacrificed to the cartoon god of the corn field! Yes, the evil entity of this movie is literally a cartoon superimposed on the movie. Oh and then there's the corn. Corn everywhere. In the title, in the fields, in the houses, in the cars, in their life size crucifixes, in the lighting! as this movie spends 90% of its time at perpetual dusk, thus bathing everything in a golden corn like color. 
At least the Cartoon God of the Corn is not voiced by Mel Blanc

  This movie is very silly. very.. silly. I give it 6 corn stalks


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