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Showing posts from October, 2019

Candyman

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Candyman (1992) The Plot: A graduate student working on her thesis on folklore legends finds more than what she bargained for!   Despite the title, there is no candy in Candyman. Instead we get bees. Many, many bees. The worst of which are the bees filling a toilet. Toilet bees should not be a thing. It's probably the most disturbing thing in this movie. We should thank our lucky stars that we don;t have to check our toilets for bees on a regular basis.  My God! Toilet bees!   Candyman tells the story of a boogyman with a hook for a hand that appears when his name is said 5 times while gazing into a mirror. Go ahead, try doing that. I dare you. BWAHAHAHA! Virginia Madsen  doesn't believe this so she does that...and hilarity ensues! OK maybe not, death ensues. But not before she gets kissed by Candyman who has a mouthful of bees! Bee kissing! first bee toilets, now bee kissing. Don't watch this movie if you are scared of bees.  Check out these mouth bees

Earth Vs. The Spider

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Earth Vs. The Spider (1958) The Plot: A giant spider enters a suburb and gets more than he bargained for!   The stakes are high in this movie. It's not just someone vs. the spider, or the town vs. the spider. No. It's the whole flippin' earth vs. the spider. Now I'm not sure the spider knows it's the entire earth vs. him. He doesn't seem to inclined to actually leave the confines of the sleepy town. He just doing things a spider would do. You know, live in a dark, cool cave, spin webs, attack passing motorists, whatever!  His mistake was getting the high school kids to start investigating. He would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids! Now, when i say kids, it is quite obvious that none of these "kids" are high school age. A quick IMDB search shows that the hero's best friend was played by a 35 year old man passing as a high schooler! It was the 50's. Things were different. He does conduct the swingin&#

Howling III The Marsupials

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The Howling III The Marsupials (1987) The Plot: An anthropologist sees footage of Australian aborigines killing what looks like a werewolf so he sets out to prove that and gets more than he bargained for!    Another completely bonkers werewolf movie! One that says what attribute from the animal kingdom can we give to add to the menace of the werewolf? Boar tusks? tentacles? venomous fangs? Nope! Reproducing through a pouch like a marsupial! YES! THAT'S IT!!! So yes, the young woman who is a werewolf in this movie, Jerboa, gives birth to her young which then migrate to her marsupial pouch to incubate.  Nothing is more terrifying than a newborn werewolf entering its mother's marsupial pouch   Meanwhile, anthropologist Professor Harry Beckmeyer is on his own crusade to prove the existence of werewolves. Which he does ultimately do by falling in love with a Russian ballerina who turns into a werewolf mid show due to strobe lights. That is the magic that makes werewo

Hellraiser

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Hellraiser (1987) The Plot: A man who finds a strange object that opens an interdimensional rift and is killed, is resurrected but needs the blood of humans to return to his true form.   Frank buys a puzzle box from a strange man who then takes it home, solves it and promptly opens an interdimensional rift to hell where he is skewered by chains and ripped asunder. All in all, not his best day. Just goes to show you, never buy strange objects from junk dealers. It didn't work out well for Zach Galligan in Gremlins and it doesn't work out well here either. I don't know what's worse, the gremlins, or the demons here.  This may look like fun, but it's only fun if your idea of fun involves releasing demons from an interdimensional rift   After Frank's brother Larry returns to live in the house where he died and spills some of his own blood there, do we get the skinless resurrected body of Frank. Skinless Frank tells Larry's wife, Julia that she mu

Day Of The Dead

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Day Of The Dead (1985) The Plot: A group of scientists protected by the military try to find a cure for the zombie apocalypse.    The zombie apocalypse is in full effect. Cities are deserted except for the hordes of undead shuffling aimlessly in search of brains to eat. The remaining humans are forced to find safety wherever they can. That is where we find things at the beginning of Day of the Dead. Things are looking pretty damned bleak. That's the way things are in the zombie apocalypse. Undead walk the streets, humans forced underground, and forget about finding good Thai food, hope is fading fast! Hordes of shuffling undead looking for brains to eat. An unfortunate side effect of the zombie apocalypse   We find out that our heroes are holed up in a military base. The military is there to protect the scientists who are conducting experiments to find out hoe to deal with the dreaded zombie apocalypse. Of course, things go south right away due to the frayed

Slugs, The Movie

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Slugs (1988) The Plot: Toxic waste mutates slugs and the townsfolk get more than they bargained for.   Slugs. Gross but harmless, right? Sure! Until they are exposed to toxic waste, and then they mutate...into killers! Oh you may think they are slow, and that their brains may only hold the most limited ability to only process the most basic functions to survive; but that would only apply to the garden variety non-toxic waste exposed slugs. (pun intended) Mike Brady, yes, Mike Brady,is the head of the department of health in a sleepy little town who gets caught up in the investigation of some mysterious deaths in town. He is the first to theorize that slugs are the culprit.  Of course, most people think he's nuts. But Mike Brady always gets his gastropod mollusc. These aren't your garden variety slugs   These slugs show no mercy. and the death toll is high. 11 people. Yes, 11 people die by slug in this movie. The hunt in packs so the question is, are there a group-t

Mark Of The Witch

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Mark Of the Witch (1970) The Plot: A group of groovy college students find an old book of spells which leads them to conjure the spirit of a witch.   Mark of the Witch is one groovy film, man. I mean it is far out. Real...far..out. The flick has all the cliches of the 1960s. Cool college kids talking in groovy slang. Doing hip things like going to the meeting of the local club on the occult, led by your professor. The eye shadow. Oh my, the eye shadow. So much blue eye shadow. Even for witches! Hey groovy chick, wanna go listen to my Monkees albums?   Then there are the long soliloquies. So many speeches in this movie. I'm not sure when anyone has time to do witchin' with all these long winded speeches.  The movie starts 300 years in the past where a witch is hanged, but before she is hanged, she launches into a 5 minute speech cursing the descendants of the man doing the hanging. Flash forward to the groovy 1960s where innocent Jill, college student, finds a

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors

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A Nightmare On Elm Street III Dream Warriors (1987) The Plot: A killer haunts the dreams of a group of kids in a mental institution.   A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors sees Freddy Krueger in mid-season form. Gone are the growing pains he experienced in the original and part 2. Freddy can now crack wise with the best of the 80's action stars. "Welcome to prime time!" he exclaims as he kills the girl who wanted to be an actress by pushing her head ironically through a television. "Getting tongue tied?" he asks the kid who had a succubus shoot tongues out of her mouth that then tied him to a bad. These are hall of fame worthy wisecracks.  You're about to be wise cracked!   But that's just the beginning. This movie has a lot going for it such as  a theme song by Dokken, gratuitous nudity, a teen controlled like a marionette by his tendons ripped from his wrist and feet, Freddy's syringe claws, a creepy nun, Freddy eating Patric

In The Tall Grass

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In The Tall Grass (2019) The Plot: People enter a filed of tall grass and get more than they bargained for!    It’s about time that grass gets its due in horror movies. There’s been plenty of horror movies about the ocean, the ice and snow, the desert, even corn fields! But not grass. Until now. Thank you, Stephen King. The story revolves around people who enter an ill-fated grassy field where the grass grows taller than the people. Once in there, time and space cease to function in a linear manner. I HATE when that happens. There is a mysterious rock at the center of it all. What could possibly go wrong if i just walk into this field of tall grass?    In the Tall Grass has its share of people who…walk..in..the..tall…grass. They get lost. They get killed. They run around. They fall in the mud. There’s a creepy kid, who’s sometimes isn’t creepy at all. But the kicker is the grass people. Yes, people made of grass, or is it grass shaped like people? Regardless, the gra

Prophecy

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Prophecy (1979) The Plot: A mining company is dumping mercury into the water and mutating the local wildlife. A doctor is asked to join the EPA to investigate and they find more than they bargained for.   The Prophecy starts with local doctor Rob being recruited by the EPA to find out what is happening at a paper mill suspected of polluting. Since it's still the 70's Rob looks the part with shaggy hair, unkempt beard and bell bottoms. He takes his pregnant (Although he does not know that yet) chelo playing wife, Maggie played by Talia Shire (Rocky III) along for the ride. There they meet up with irascible company man Richard Dysart (The Thing) who is upset with the local Native Americans causing a fuss and refusing to get off the land (Sound familiar?) For years the locals have lived with a variety of mutated animals that"grow large" out in the woods. Probably not connected to that paper mill they're investigating. Let's hear it for the hairy 197