The Being

The Being (1983)

The Plot: A what-have-you is killing off residents of a small Idaho town

  The Being is a movie. That much is certain. It has actors, it has been filmed, there is a director and editor, and stunts and special effects. Taken together, that makes it sound like it is a movie. But clearly it is not. It is just a series of scenes in some sort of incoherent order. Things happen. Sure. However, there does not seem to be any consequences of things that happen, not do they seem to have any effect on any character in the movie. There are just things that happen. The end. It is a veritable smorgasbord of bad film making including being poorly dubbed, filmed in complete darkness, and inexplicable jump cuts.

Is it too late to sign on for Space: 1999 season 3?

  The "plot" centers around a monster that kills. Where did this monster come from? It could be the nuclear waste that Martin Landau (yes, THAT Martin Landau)is testing. But who knows, it's not clearly established other than some lines about it could possibly by a gene mutation. You know because nuclear waste = gene mutations. The monster is great here too. A cycloptic lump with steel like jaws who oozes and despite having tentacles and razor sharp teeth, seems to simply enjoy punching the hero across the room instead of using said razor sharp teeth or tentacles. 
I have been hastily assembled


  This movie is a veritable checklist of bad movie cliches. Exposition dumps via radio and TV reports? CHECK! Jump scares caused by cats? CHECK! Gratuitous nudity? CHECK! All of this despite having 3, Yes, count em! 3 Oscar winning actors. Martin Landau (Ed Wood), Jose Ferrer (Cyrano de Bergerec) and Dorothy Malone (Written on the Wind). Landau is game here and gives it his all, and he's not bad mostly because he is great in everything, yes! including season 2 of Space:1999! But wait there's more! Laugh Ins Ruth Buzzi as an uptight house wife crusading against pornography by having an opera singer perform at her dinner party. yep, got that. Martin Landau testing the green slime from Nickelodeon's  Double Dare for radioactivity? Yep, got that too! Over zealous cops arresting the same guy for fishing without a license? ohhhh yeah! Ruth Buzzi bleeding from the eyes in a characters fever dream? I really wish I made that last one up. What does any of that have to do with the plot you may ask? well, so do I. 
Prepare to be traumatized by Ruth Buzzi's bleeding eyes


  I give this movie 2 Oscar winners falling 1 short of how many acre actually in the movie. 

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